


Ways To Get Akatsuki Pissed At You: SCENARIOS

by iJoeyMonster



Category: Naruto
Genre: A lot of cursing via Hidan, Flirting, Humor, Implied Pein/Konan - Freeform, Laughter, Name-Calling, Spoilers, Tobi is Obito
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 03:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16694656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iJoeyMonster/pseuds/iJoeyMonster
Summary: Scenarios written for DM-Sama's Ways To Get Akatsuki Pissed At You fic over on Fanfiction.net.Link inside.





	1. Deidara

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Ways To Get Akatsuki Pissed At You](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/434386) by DM-Sama. 



> There will be approximately 12-13 chapters in total. This includes fillers with my OC, Nenia.
> 
> Naruto is Kishimoto's toy. I'm just playing with it for fun.
> 
> Nenia is my OC and belongs to me.

**Deidara**

****

1\. Sing at the top of your lungs “Dude, looks like a lady” and hide very quickly when he tries to find you.

‘Twas the night before morning, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. “DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!” A shrilly voice screamed. A loud bang followed and then footsteps running down the hallway. A girl skidded around the corner, cackling as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. “GET THE FUCK BACK HERE, UN! I’LL BLOW YOU UP WITH MY ART, YEAH!” An angry, red-faced blonde male followed not far behind. His long blonde hair glided in the air behind him, making him look like a woman at first glance. “NEVER!” The girl screamed, cackling. She turned a corner, then made a sharp turn around another corner before jumping and hiding in a closet. She covered her mouth with her hands and stayed quiet, holding in her snickers as she heard the male thunder passed her. “WHERE IS SHE?!” She heard him scream. Once he was gone, she slipped away and hid in Zetsu’s garden, where Deidara never would set foot. She was safe.

**2\. Dye his Akatsuki cloak pink and glue a very large bra in the chest area, then during the next meeting say, “Hey look. Deidara has a sister.”**

Everyone gathered in the meeting area, Pein staring silently with his purple-ringed eyes. Nenia fought to hide her smirk as everyone gathered there. She could feel the murderous aura around the blonde-haired Akatsuki member, and couldn’t help but stare at him. He glared at her, but she ignored him when Pein began to speak. It didn’t take long for him to finish, so she felt it her queue. She stood up, putting on a shocked expression as she gasped and pointed at Deidara, exclaiming, “Hey look! Deidara has a sister!” Said blonde’s eyebrow twitched as his aura got even darker. She let out a smirk before fleeing the meeting area with a scream, “HE’S GONNA KILL ME!” She was able to hear some chuckles, which were drowned out by an outraged shriek as the blonde chased after her. She cackled as she ran through the halls with the raging male behind her. Back in the meeting room, Pein’s eyebrow twitched and he let out an agitated sigh. “Dismissed.” He ground out through a clenched jaw. 

**3\. Tell him Tobi just told you his most deepest and darkest secret and that you just posted it on the internet. When he accidentally tells you his secret say, “Nah. but I was recording this whole conversation. TO THE INTERNET!” And flee.**

[Lets pretend they know what the Internet is, ne?]

Nenia walked into the kitchen to get something to snack on. Seeing Deidara rummaging in the cupboards, she grinned as an evil thought occurred to her. “Hey Deidara!” She called, walking over to him. He turned around and growled at her, “What?” Nenia pouted at him. “My my, someone’s in a shitty mood. PMSing?” She smiled sweetly. Deidara glared darkly at her, but she brushed it off with a wave of her hand. “I just wanted to tell you Tobi just told me your deepest, darkest secret and I put it on the Internet, but if you’re not interested, I’ll go show the others.” She smiled secretly as she turned. Deidara’s growl made her smile grow. “Oh no he didn’t!” He raged. “I’m going to kill that bastard, un!” He snarled at the air. 

Nenia turned around with a fake clueless look on her face. “Why?” She asked him. Deidara stared at her before huffing, “Because he just told you that when I was a kid, I played with dolls.” He rolled his eyes, his tone stating that it was so obvious. Nenia blinked and smiled. “Nah, I was fucking with you. But I recorded this whole conversation!” She held up a miniature tape recorder. “To the internet!” She turned and fled, cackling as she went. Deidara screamed in rage behind her. “GODDAMNIT!” Nenia smirked as she hid in Itachi’s room. Said Uchiha simply looked at her as he sat on his bed, a scroll in his hands. Nenia put a finger to her lips in a “Shh” motion. He blinked and simply went back to reading. She cackled to herself, and Itachi chose to ignore the chill that went down his spine.

**4\. Ask him the true meaning of art, and during the first five minutes of his speech, snore really loudly. When he shakes you awake, yell at him, “Sasori’s art is better!”**

It was a fine day, and Nenia was bored. Deciding to fuck with Deidara some more, she set off to find him. Finding him in the living area sculpting some clay figures while Kisame played shogi by himself, she sat next to him. “Hey Deidara?” She asked in an innocent tone. He growled softly, “What?” She pouted at him. “Still sore about that secret incident?” She snorted. “Man Dei-chan, calm down.” He simply growled at her. “Anyway, I have a question.” She paused, waiting for a “What, un?” Looking at him she said in a serious tone, “What’s the true meaning of art?” Deidara glanced at her. Seeing her serious expression, he smiled. Finally! He’d been waiting to rant about his art! “Art is fleeting, un!” He began. And so, he began to rant about how fleeting it was in every way. 

Nenia pretended to listen for a few seconds before she fake-fell-asleep. She began to snore very loudly. Kisame guffawed at her boldness, watching with an amused expression. Deidara frowned at her and shook her awake. “Hey, wake up, yeah!” She snorted and blinked, looking at Deidara. When he opened his mouth she screamed at him, “SASORI’S ART IS BETTER!” Unbeknownst to her, Sasori had been walking by at that moment. Hearing her statement, he stopped dead in his tracks and poked his head in to look at them. Smirking, he told Deidara, “See brat? True art is eternal!” Deidara’s face turned red and Kisame roared with laughter, holding his stomach. Nenia took that moment for Deidara’s distraction in arguing with Sasori to slip away unnoticed. She giggled evilly to herself and went to go bug Itachi.

**5\. In case of emergency: Run like you’re being chased by a psychopathic bomber.**

Walking down the hallway, Nenia headed towards the kitchen. As she neared, it was at that moment that Deidara exited her destination. His head turned. They both stopped. His eyes narrowed and hers widened. “You!” He snarled. She squeaked and fled, screaming as she ran down the hallway with Deidara at her heels, throwing tiny clay spiders at her. “I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!” Heads poked out of rooms to see the commotion, watching in amusement as the bomber chased his pranker. Nenia saw her escape up ahead and sped up. The door opened as Itachi made to look out to see what was going on. Their eyes met, and before he could react, she dived into his room and hid under his bed. Deidara skidded to a stop and snarled. “GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN, UN!” He screamed. Itachi glared at him, his ears ringing from the screaming. “NO!” Nenia screamed back. “I DON’T WANT TO BE A MAN!” Deidara growled loudly. “COWARD!” He snarled. 

Itachi sighed and glared at the blonde, which the blonde promptly ignored in favor of glaring into the room. “YES! I LIKE HAVING TITS AND A VAGINA! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” She screamed back. Red-faced, Deidara huffed and stormed off. Once he was out of sight, Itachi closed his door and stood in the middle of his room, arms crossed. When Nenia came out and looked at him, he simply raised an elegant eyebrow. She grinned cheekily and waved at him, rubbing the back of her head. “Howdy?” She squeaked. He shook his head, a light smile forming on his lips. “What am I going to do with you?” He murmured as he sat on his bed. She sat next to him and rubbed her head against his shoulder. “Be my knight in shining armor.” She said with a grin. He simply sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’d you think? I’m sure if I really thought hard, I could come up with better scenarios, but it’s five in the morning right now so, naaaah. x3 More to come!


	2. Sasori

**Sasori**

**  
**

**1\. Ask him for hours how such an idiot like Tobi could replace him. When he snaps at you, say, “Sheesh! You know what? I like Tobi better!” Then stomp on his foot and leave the room dramatically.**

Nenia sat on the couch staring at some show playing on the t.v with a bored-as-fuck expression. Most of the Akatsuki were off doing their own thing. She knew Zetsu was doing some spying and Hidan and Kakuzu were on a mission. The details didn’t matter to her. Pein and Konan were holed up in Pein’s office, and she had a sneaking suspicion to what they were doing. She sighed loudly as she flopped into the couch, becoming a couch potato. Sasori was in the recliner working on a small puppet with his small tools. She watched him for a while before blinking. “Sasori.” She sat up straight. He glanced at her. “How come such an idiot like Tobi could replace you?” She asked, staring intently at him. He wouldn’t admit it, but her crimson eyes were creepy when she stared like that. He grunted, but otherwise didn’t answer. In truth, he was wondering that too. Tobi was a moron, and he was a genius. “Sasori. Why did an idiot replace you? A genius artist?” She asked again. Sasori ignored her. Huffing, she stood up and stood next to him. “Why did Tobi, who is an absolute moron, replace someone so smart as you?” She asked slowly. She saw the spark in his eyes and fought back a grin of triumph. “I don’t know!” Sasori snapped. Nenia put on a fake glare and threw her hands in the air. “Sheesh! Ya know what, I like Tobi better!” She huffed. She kicked him in the shin and stomped out of the room in a fake fit of anger. She was just a that good at acting. She heard Sasori give a huff of annoyance before she was gone. She let a smile slip onto her features. ‘Bingo’.

**2\. Dip all his weapon’s in mable syrup; when he asks what you’re doing, say, ‘It’s a new poison, very fatal.” Then laugh your ass off during his next fight.**

Nenia snuck into the kitchen and grabbed the last two bottles of maple syrup from the cabinet before quickly hightailing it to her room. She grabbed a bucket from the utility closet and filled it with the maple syrup. Smiling at the liquid, she heaved it to Sasori’s workshop. Taking his knives she dipped them into the syrup before setting them back into his bags. With that done, She took his senbon needles and cleaned off the current poison. As she was about to dip them into the bucket, Sasori appeared. “What the fuck are you doing?” She blinked at him and grinned. “It’s a poison I made! It’s very lethal! I wanted to see how it affected the victim when you used it.” She shrugged nonchalantly. He blinked. “I see.” Was all he said before disappearing. She finished dipping the senbon and put them away. She stared then grinned as she took the puppets he had laying out and using the rest of the maple syrup to coat the puppets’ weapons. Finishing up, she rinsed out the bucket and put it away before she went to Sasori. “If I find someone for you to fight, will you use the new poison to fight them?” She asked. He thought about it for a moment before nodding. “What’s it called?” He asked. She paused. It never occurred to her to name it. “Uh..” His stare was making her nervous. “I don’t know yet. I’ll let you know when I come up with it.” She told him finally. He sighed and simply walked away. 

Nenia didn’t have to wait long for the prank to go into effect. She smirked as she watched Sasori and Deidara sparring. He had yet to use his puppets- oh there they are! She fought hard to hold back a grin as she watched. Feeling eyes on her, she turned her head to see Itachi watching her. She wiped her face of all expression and stared back at him with a raise eyebrow, as if to say, “What are you looking at?” He turned his head away with a twitch of his lips. Nenia hummed to herself and leaned against a tree as she went back to watching. Hidan and Kisame joined the audience as Itachi went back to cleaning his weapons. She didn’t have to wait long for the maple syrup to work. When Sasori went to use his puppet, it didn’t move. The red-head scowled and growled as the puppets arms stuck to its body. This time, Nenia didn’t bother holding back her grin. Sasori dodged a bomb that Deidara sent at him and became frustrated. The expression on the red-heads’ face was enough to cause Nenia to double over in laughter. Hidan and Kisame stared at her. “Oh my God!” She cackled. She straightened and grinned at the glaring puppet master. “That wasn’t poison.” She told him. 

Sasori glared and huffed. “It was maple syrup.” Sasori’s expression turned murderous. “You put maple syrup on my puppets?!” He snarled. She grinned, giggling all over again. It was especially funny because the puppet was stuck with its arms locked in a position that made it look like it had to go pee. Feeling the murderous aura coming towards her, she screamed and high-tailed it out of the training grounds. “SHIT HE’S GONNA KILL ME!” She raced to Itachi’s room and hid under the bed. Sasori barged past the room as he searched for her. “GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE WOMAN! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” Nenia stupidly screamed back, “THAT’S NOT MUCH INCENTIVE FOR ME TO COME OUT NOW IS IT?!” She slapped a hand over her mouth right after the last words left her mouth. “Shit.” She grumbled. She barged out of the room just as Sasori rounded the corner. Her eyes widened and she took off back towards the training grounds. “ITACHIIII!” She screeched as Sasori raced after her, his hands hooked into claws to grab her with. She barged back into the training grounds and immediately hid behind her knight in shining armor. He merely sighed, continuing to clean his weapons. Sasori glared at her, not willing to cross Itachi and piss him off to get to her. “I will get you.” He said in a threatening manner before storming off the training grounds. Nenia sighed in relief and leaned against the Uchiha. “Sooo…” She started. Itachi sighed again and poked her in the forehead with his middle and forefingers. She whined at the red spot he made and pouted. Itachi’s lips quirked. “What am I going to do with you?” He asked her quietly. She quirked an eyebrow as if to say, ‘Are you seriously asking me this?’

**3\. Place a very tiny MP3 player in his room, then put it on ‘I’ve got no strings’ to play at top volume all day. When he asks you where it is, shrug and start singing along very loudly.**

It’d been a week after the last prank, and Sasori had calmed down enough that he wasn’t trying to kill her anymore. Oh, he was still peeved, but Nenia had cleaned the maple syrup off of all his weapons. Let’s just say it wasn’t fun at all. She had the cuts to prove it. It was a good thing she’d removed the poison before applying the syrup. Back to the present. She was in his room watching him work like a creeper and he was ignoring her. Typical Sasori. Bad decision on his part. She smirked, thinking it was now time for her next prank. She slipped a tiny MP3 player from her pocket and put it on speaker before hiding it in the corner of his room. To cover her action, she squealed and let a spider out of her hands to crawl around. “Sasori! It’s a spider! Kill it!” She demanded, jumping onto him and clinging, pointing at the spider. 

She had to repress a smirk when he simply sighed and threw a senbon at it, piercing its tiny body. She squealed and kissed his cheek. “My hero!” She retrieved the needle and placed it on his desk. She snuck over to the ipod again and turned it on full volume, then pressed play. You see, she’d recorded it so it didn’t start right away. This gave her a minute to get into something else on the other side of the room. When it began to play, she jumped, acting surprised. She briefly saw Sasori twitch in surprise and grinned to herself before schooling her expression. He turned to her with an annoyed stare. “Where is it?” He asked in a flat tone. She shrugged. When the chorus started she grinned and began to sing loudly and very badly -on purpose of course, she was a good singer - . “I’ve got no strings to hold me down, to make me fret, or make me frown. I had strings, but now I’m free, there are no strings on me!” She grinned at him as he growled, then she sprinted out of the room. “ENJOY YOUR STRINGS PUPPET!” She screamed as she ran, giggling madly when she heard him snarl in frustration as he tried to find the source of the music.

**4\. Tell him you’ve decided to present ‘Pinocchio’ as your pick for movie night. Instead show an R rated movie showing the dismemberment of puppets.**

[The movie of dismemberment of puppets is fake.]

“Oi, Pinocchio!” Nenia called as she burst into Sasori’s room. He growled at her but she ignored it. “I decided to play Pinocchio for the movie tonight! It’s about puppets. I think you’ll like it.” She grinned at his interested look. “Be there.” She said sternly, then promptly walked out. Later that night, everyone gathered in the living room for the movie. Even Pein and Konan showed! Nenia felt special. She cuddled with Tobi, her new best friend and unofficial partner in crime, and pressed play. After a few minutes, Tobi stated the obvious, “This isn’t Pinocchio!” Nenia shushed him. When a particular scene came up, showing the horrible dismemberment of puppets, she could practically feel Sasori’s horror. She looked at him just as he snapped his gaze to her, glaring. She grinned and promptly fled the room, dragging Tobi with her. She could hear the laughter and guffaws of some of the more emotional members. Itachi’s disappointed stare followed her out. Tobi shrieked when Sasori appeared and began to chase them. Nenia shrieked a moment after him and jumped into Tobi’s arms. “RUN!” She pointed forward and Tobi obliged, carrying her in his arms as he zoomed away, leaving Sasori in his dust. Nenia hid in Tobi’s room for the rest of the week.

**5\. In case of emergency: Run to Konoha, he can’t follow you there.**

Nenia burst into Pein’s office, not bothering to knock. “Pein!” Panic was on her face. Pein stared at her, a trickle of alarm in his mind. “Just letting you know I’m taking Tobi to Konoha! If anyone asks, we’re on reconnaissance!” She then left in a hurried manner. Pein stared after her, wondering what the hell was going on, then went back to his paperwork. About ten minute later, Sasori burst in. Pein sighed and put down his pen. “Where is she?!” Sasori growled. Pein stared at him, thinking. Well, he could humor her or tell Sasori where she was. “Reconnaissance.” He simply stated, then picked up his pen and went back to paperwork. He heard Sasori snarl and leave the room, accentuated by the slam of the office door. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.

Meanwhile, Nenia had packed and pounced on Tobi. “Tobi, I’ll give you a candy if you take me to Konoha and stay with me there for a few days.” She said in a rushed breath. He stared at her before giving a, “Okay!” Nenia let him pick her up and they transported using his Kamui. Arriving at Konoha, she hugged him and kissed his mask. “You’re such a good boy!” She squealed, then promptly dragged him to a hotel to check in. Tobi stared at her, Obito contemplating what was going on, while Tobi internally squealed at the ‘good boy’ comment. Now, to get his candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! Sasori’s part. Not much to say here. Tobi’s now dragged into her pranks! He doesn’t mind. He likes fucking with people anyway.


	3. Hidan

**Hidan**

****

****

**1\. Exist.**

Nenia stared at Hidan, unblinking, as he stared back. They’d been at this for the past half hour, and it was starting to drive some of the other members up the walls. Kisame was ignoring them, watching some show about sharks on t.v., Sasori was in his workshop being anti-social as usual, Deidara was fiddling with clay as he sat on the couch while looking uncomfortable, Kakuzu was going over finances in his room, Itachi was on the recliner reading a book, Tobi was missing, and Zetsu was off doing whatever it was that plant-men did. Nenia was beginning to get bored, and many of the members - Kisame and Diedara - were wondering why Hidan wasn’t cursing up a storm yet. “Hidan.” Nenia suddenly spoke, making Hidan blink in surprise. Nenia grinned and pointed at him. “HA! In your face, you crazy old stripper!” She cackled and Hidan growled at her. “Shut up you little bitch! You cheated!” Nenia snorted at him. “All I did was say your name, idiot.” She scoffed. Kisame looked somewhat amused. “Unless you’re a sore loser?” She grinned at him. Hidan pointed at her. “Bitch! I’m not a fucking sore loser!” He got up and stomped towards the door of the room. “Oi Hidan!” She called after him. “What?!” He snarled back, pausing at the doorway. “I exist!” She cackled. He called her a few choice words before storming down the hallway to go to his room. Nenia looked smug as she went and sat on Itachi’s lap, trapping the book and his arms underneath her. “Hey sexy.” She purred, playing with his hair. Deidara looked disturbed and jealous as he glared at the Uchiha, but Itachi ignored him in favor of staring at Nenia with a raised eyebrow. “Let’s make babies.” She said with a straight face. Kisame guffawed and Deidara spluttered. Itachi merely let out a sigh. Nenia pouted. “Fine. Go make love to your stupid book you stupid weasel. I’ll go make babies with Tobi!” She slid off him and stomped away and down the hall, calling, “Tobi!” 

Later that night at dinner, all the Akatsuki were at the dinner table. Nenia had enforced the ‘Everyone-must-eat-together’ rule. Things were fairly quiet, which caused Pein to be suspicious. Nenia shot glances at Hidan, a smile tugging at her lips, making them twitch whenever she glanced at him as she held it back. Finally, she spoke, “I exist.” She stared right at Hidan. Hidan immediately cussed at her, which amused some of the members, annoyed others, and caused some sigh as well as make a certain female smug. “Both of you, shut up.” Kakuzu grouched. Nenia rolled her eyes and began to chat with Tobi, whispering things in his ear as Hidan cursed at Kakuzu.

**2\. Whenever he comes walking down the hall, flee into a corner scream, “Christ repels you, you sick sick man!”**

Nenia giggled evilly as she peaked around the corner at Hidan as he started to walk down the hallway. She pulled a straight face onto her expression and stepped into the hallway, beginning to walk towards the Jashinist. Just as they got within a few feet of each other, Nenia widened her eyes and screeched like she was in pain. She backpedaled quickly and curled into a ball against the wall. Hidan jumped, looking frightened and freaked out. He rushed towards her in concern. “What’s wrong?!” He practically screamed in panic. Nenia let out a scream, “Christ repels you, you sick sick man!” She screeched in his ears, making them ring. She then took off down the hall away from him, screaming at the top of her lungs as she screamed, “CHRIST REPELS YOUUUU!” Hidan stared after her with wide eyes. A couple doors opened and Itachi and Deidara poked their heads out of their respective rooms. “What happened, un?” Deidara asked, looking at Hidan. Hidan took a moment to break out of his daze. “No fucking clue.” He muttered, feeling like he was just punched in the gut. Itachi ignored them as he stared down the hallway Nenia had disappeared down, a deadpan expression on his face. He sighed, shook his head in exasperation, then went back to reading his scrolls, leaving a confused and panicked Hidan alone with Deidara in the hallway. Throughout the day, Itachi could hear Nenia scream whenever she saw Hidan and run away. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He thought he’d have to have a talk with her later on. 

**3\. Whenever he says something make a very loud beeping noise.**

It had been only two days after the screaming “Christ” fiasco with Hidan prank, and Nenia was ready to do another one. Hidan was weary of her, but she had calmed and it was over. That didn’t stop her from psyching the Jashinist out and freaking him out. It was hilarious to her. Nenia thought of her next prank, and decided to recruit Tobi. She walked down the hallway, humming to herself as she followed the childish man’s chakra signature to his room. She burst in without knocking and immediately halted. 

She stared at the man who was in the room, in the middle of taking a step further. The man in front of her was dressed in all black and was frozen as well, in the middle of picking up the orange swirly mask. Nenia stared, her eyes wide. He stared back, his one eye wide as well. Nenia then blinked and coughed. “Well, this is awkward. Tobi, why didn’t you tell me you were hot?” She whined at him, walking closer to him. ‘Tobi’ blinked at her before shrugging. “Tobi didn’t think it was important.” Nenia could see the tension in his posture but decided to ignore it and act normal. She huffed. “Put your mask back on. You’re helping me piss of Hidan.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door. 

Oh yes, she knew who he was now, but she had known his real name since she first met him. She simply didn’t care. As long as he didn’t get in her way, she didn’t care. She quite enjoyed having the hyperactive act of Tobi as a constant companion. She paused in tugging him to the door and looked at him, “Your secret is safe with me, ‘Obi.” She smiled at him. He nodded and put his mask on, locking it into place. She tugged him down the hallway as he switched back into his Tobi act. “Where are we going Neni-chan?” He asked in his childish voice. She giggled at him. “We’re going to find Hidan. Whenever he says something, we’re going to beep him out.” She grinned over her shoulder at him. She decidedly ignored the continuous tense air about him. 

As she dragged him, she felt him relax and let a small smile to grace her lips. “Okay!” He agreed enthusiastically. They turned a corner and Nenia spotted Hidan in the living room, talking to Kisame about something as the shark-man watched the t.v. boredly. Grinning, she paused and leaned into Tobi, whispering her plan in his ear again. When Tobi nodded affirmation, they walked into the living room and sat on the other free couch, Nenia between Tobi and Itachi. Nenia glanced at Tobi, Tobi glanced at her. Both nodded, and when Hidan started to speak again, Nenia opened her mouth. “BEEP!” She loudly said, staring at Hidan. Hidan glanced at her, but she looked at Tobi, pretending to be busy. Itachi was staring at her with a raised eyebrow, struggling to keep the exasperation off his expression. Hidan went back to talking with Kisame after a moment. Nenia nudged Tobi and kept her snickers to herself when Tobi “BEEP!”-ed at Hidan when Hidan was about to say something. Nenia and Tobi began to do it with each word Hidan went to say. Hidan snapped after five minutes of being beeped at and snarled. He grabbed his scythe from behind the couch (how’d it get there?!) and lunged at them. Nenia screamed and hopped onto Tobi’s back. “GET THE FUCK GOING MY STEED!” She screeched in Tobi’s ear. Tobi squealed and took off with her on his back, causing Hidan to crash into the couch and flipping it over. Unfortunately, Itachi hadn’t been able to get off it in time, and flipped over with it. He then proceeded to Tsukuyomi the Jashinist, which let Nenia and Tobi escape to Tobi’s room. 

Nenia and Tobi hid under his bed and stared at the door as they heard Hidan’s curses and screams. Then they looked at each other and burst out laughing simultaneously. Tobi suddenly stopped laughing and stared at her, which caused her to stop and stare back. Nenia could see his sharingan come to life through his eye hole and she frowned. “Now now ‘Obi. Don’t become an asshole. I’d rather not lose my best friend.” She glared at him and he sighed. “I promised your secret was safe. Take my word for it.” She said in a flat tone. He nodded and she snuggled closer to him. “What shall we do while we wait?” Tobi asked in his normal voice. He didn’t like someone knowing who he was and what he looked like, but he didn’t want to have to kill the woman next to him either. He’d become quite fond of her. “Hmmm.” She mused, looking around. “I spy something…. red.” She said. Tobi looked around. “The Akatsuki cloud?” Nenia nodded. And thus, a game of ‘I Spy’ was born.

**4\. In case of emergency: Run like the wind.**

Instead of running away, Nenia and Tobi spent the rest of the night and the next day hiding in Tobi’s room under his bed. They’d spent the first hour playing ‘I Spy’ before Nenia nodded off. While she slept, Tobi watched her, thinking about his predicament. He decided to let it go. If she became a problem, then he’d remove her. The thought made him uncharacteristically sad. After an hour of simply watching her sleep (oh that’s sooo not creepy), he dozed off as well. Early the next morning, he woke up first to find himself snuggled against her, his arms wrapped around her smaller form. Seeing she was still sound asleep, he stayed that way. What? It was comfortable! Finding he didn’t want to move, Tobi fell asleep again. He woke up to find he was alone and in a bed. He blinked, wondering how the hell he ended up in his bed when he was sleeping underneath it with Nenia- His eyes widened and he looked under the bed, finding the space empty. He looked around, feeling panic bubble to life in his chest. He forced himself to calm down. He figured she was in her own room. He focused on her chakra and found her in the kitchen. He grabbed his mask and exited his room, walking down the hallway to go see what she was up to. 

As he closed in on the kitchen, the person he had his sights on burst out of the kitchen and took off towards him. Hot on her heels, Hidan screeched obscenities after her, scythe swinging. His eyes widened a fraction. As she passed, she grabbed his hand and yanked him along. He ran with her as she laughed. He smirked and picked her up, gaining speed to get away from the crazy Jashinist. Turning a corner, he used his Kamui technique to teleport to the lake near the hideout. Both teenagers collapsed against a tree, Nenia cackling as he chuckled. “We’re alive!” Nenia shouted. They went silent as their breathing calmed, letting nature lull them into peace. “Why do you hide your hotness?” Tobi blinked, not sure if he’d heard her right. He stared at her, then finally shrugged. “If I showed my face, then Pein and Konan would know I wasn’t who I told them I was.” Why’d he say that?! Nenia looked at him, then nodded slowly. She shifted, then laid her head against his shoulder. 

They spent the next few hours like that. Itachi found them at dusk, Tobi asleep against the tree and Nenia asleep on his shoulder. The Uchiha clan murderer stared as a bubble of jealousy breathed life into his breast. He quickly squashed it down and shook his head, then left, angry at himself for even feeling anything like that. He admitted, Nenia and Tobi were… nice together. He felt worried though. He didn’t want his - dare he say it - friend to be hurt once Tobi revealed who he was and the plans came to fruition. Itachi decided, that as long as he lived, he’d be there for her and protect her from the masked man.


	4. Filler I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple filler for relationship establishment.

To say it was awkward between them was an understatement. Obito wasn’t used to having anyone know about him. He wasn’t exactly worried though, and that confused him. Nenia continued to act like normal, and as each day passed, Obito found himself relaxing more and more. It was after two weeks that he finally let himself relax a little bit. Oh no, that didn’t mean he let his guard down. Nenia was unpredictable. She was easy to read when she wanted you to know what she was thinking. If she didn’t… it was impossible to tell what she’d do. The best thing he could do was be prepared for each possible action she’d take. One thing that he didn’t like was the fact she’d started to call him ‘Obi. It was like she was inadvertently calling him by his true name. It made him tense, even though the other members seemed to think it was a nickname formed from Tobi. He grit his teeth as he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Something had to be done, but he wasn’t sure what to do. He closed his eyes, deciding to get some rest. It was late and he had a mission tomorrow with Zetsu. Soon, darkness overtook him.

Nenia knew that Obito was suspicious of her. That’s why she figured acting normal would help. She wasn’t planning on saying anything unless it got in her way. Her goals were far into the future, of course, so she wasn’t actually worried about anything getting in her way just yet. At the moment, she was content. Tobi and her were still friends. Maybe they had some tension, but that could be fixed with a little chat. Nenia decided that she’d talk to Tobi on their mission tomorrow, which Tobi had no idea she would be joining them on. A smile cracked on her lips and she hopped into the shower. She didn’t take long - just washing the grime off her body - and did a quick blow dry to her hair. She readied for bed in a simple black tank top and short shorts. Snugging into bed, she let the darkness drag her into the sleep abyss. 

The next morning served bright and early for those who had missions. Nenia figured Itachi and Kisame had one too, but they wouldn’t be leaving until later. Even so, she knew Itachi was awake already. He always woke up early, no matter what day it was. She showered quickly and dressed. She double checked that she had all her supplies ready for the mission before leaving the room. She snuck down the hall, finding the silence a bit unnerving. Usually Deidara or Hidan started something- BANG! “GODDAMNIT YOU LITTLE FUCKER!” - … by now.. Yup.. Apparently Deidara blew up Hidan’s room again. Shaking her head, Nenia arrived at Itachi’s door and stared at the wood. She could sense Itachi inside, and his chakra was calm. She figured he was reading or cleaning his weapons. Smirking, she barged in like she owned the place. “Yo Weasel!” She greeted with a cheery wave and smile. She plopped down on his bed. He glanced at her and grunted at her. She figured that was better than being ignored. Looking at what he was doing, she noted a scroll. Before she could see what it was about, he snapped his closed and put it away. Blinking, she pouted at him, sticking her bottom lip out and widening her eyes. She let them water abit to add some shine into them. He simply stared at her. After a moment, she huffed. “Damnit Weasel. It’s like you’re immune to puppy dog eyes.” She crossed her arms and pouted for a minute more, then she laid on her back next to him. He grunted and began to clean his kunai. 

She stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before her arm reached up, her fingers running through his hair. “You should leave your hair down more often.” She said softly. He tensed and paused in his cleaning before resuming after a few seconds. He stayed silent as she continued to run her fingers through his hair. Sitting up, Nenia scooted closer and began to play with it. “What kind of shampoo do you use? Herbal? Your hair is so silky. I wish my hair was this soft.” She pouted, giving a fake sigh of disappointment. She lifted it to her nose and sniffed. “Mm, smells good too.” She smiled when his shoulder twitched. “Talk to me Ita-kun.” She cooed, leaning forward. She leaned her chin on his left shoulder to look over him and down at his hands, her arms sliding around his middle to hold onto him. She felt him tense even more before relaxing, and the action made her feel giddy inside. She nuzzled his neck before silently watching him. 

After about five minutes of this with him relaxed in her hold and Nenia feeling a fluttery feeling in her chest, she let him go. “I have to go on a mission. I’ll see you when I get back?” She asked, tilting her head. He paused and turned his head a bit towards her as she go up from his bed. He watched her stretch like a cat before speaking, “I have a mission as well. You’ll probably be back before me.” She stared at him a moment before grinning. “You talk to me! You usually just grunt at me or sigh. Much love. Such improvement.” She giggled before leaning over him and kissing his cheek. She ignored him tense up and waved at him before skipping out of his room. Itachi stared after her and frowned, his eyes narrowing, then went back to cleaning his weapons as he went into a daze. He didn’t notice the light dust on his cheeks.

Nenia grabbed her supply bag and adorned her black cloak. She wasn’t officially part of Akatsuki yet, but that was fine with her. She quite liked her cloak. She waited at the entrance for Tobi. Zetsu was most likely outside or would join them later on. Grinning when she saw him, she squealed and waved. “‘Obi!” She watched as he froze in mid-step and stared at her. She stared back. She swore she saw red in his eyehole for a split second before a shrilly squeal came from the orange-swirly masked man. Next thing she knew, he was hugging her and chattering her ear off. She laughed and pushed him off, ruffling his hair. “Calm down ‘Obi! We have the whole mission to chat, okay?” He nodded a bit too fast, which made her wonder if he gave himself whiplash often. Grabbing his hand, she dragged him out of the base and down the path. She let him go and skipped ahead a bit before jumping up with a squeal of excitement. “Finally!” She twirled around then faced the masked man, grinning ear to ear. “It’s been forever since I’ve been outside! Fresh air!” Tobi blinked at her. Nenia waved a hand in front of his face. “Oi. Anyone home?” She poked his mask. His reaction was quite amusing. He twitched and flailed about before standing there, arms hanging down as they swung side to side. Her lips twitched before she snorted. “You idiot.” She told him fondly. “Come on. Zetsu’s meeting us at the border.” She began to walk, and he gave an enthusiastic “Yes ma’am!” before joining her at her side. 

They walked for about half an hour before Nenia noticed something. Tobi was in the middle of telling her a funny story about flying with Deidara-senpai when she interrupted him, “Tobi.. you’re taller than me..” She trailed off with a look of ‘I just noticed this shit’ on her face. He stopped talking and stared at her. A snort sounded from him and he nodded. “Duh! How come Neni-chan noticed now?” Nenia shrugged and hopped onto his back. Pointing forward, she slapped him in the behind with a, “Charge!” Tobi yelped and shot forward. Obito was shocked, to say the least. He hadn’t expected to be slapped in the ass. He briefly wondered if this woman had no shame, then quickly dismissed it with a “This is Nenia. Of course she has no shame.” Deciding to go along with it all, he charged forward, playing the part of the valiant steed she rode. Both of them screamed as he ran, acting like total idiots for making so much noise. It wasn’t like they could kill anyone that attacked them. Psh, nooo. They weren’t stupid enough to attract attention if they couldn’t take care of the consequences. Of course they could! 

Tobi ran for ten minutes before slowing down. They were ten minutes from the border where they’d meet up with Zetsu. Nenia slid off his back and stretched with a yawn. She looked at him for a moment. As he began to walk forward, he felt a hand grab his arm. Pausing and looking back, he looked at the black-haired female as she looked at him. “We need to talk.” She said in a firm tone. Her expression was serious. He immediately tensed, his childish aura and actions gone, replaced by Obito’s seriousness. His red eye flashed through his eyehole as he stared at her. “You don’t need to be tense around me ‘Obi. I told you your secret was safe. Unless you get in my way, I won’t say anything. There’s no reason for us to act any differently than we had been. I want my friend back.” She frowned at him. “You’re not anywhere in my way, and I highly doubt you will get in my way. My goals for the future are a lot different than yours.” For some reason, this made Obito feel better, but he didn’t relax his stance. 

He stayed quiet and watched her, measuring her honesty. She wasn’t lying. She truly seemed sad. He let out a sigh and ran his gloved hand through his hair before finally nodding. “Alright. Fine.” He didn’t want to… remove her… from existence. Her answering smile made his stomach squirm. She grabbed his hand and dragged him along as she skipped. “Okay! Come on! Zetsu is waiting. I for one would like to get the action started.” She grinned at him, and Obito ignored the tugging in his chest as he followed her. Maybe… her knowing wasn’t such a bad idea. He’d still make plans for just in case, but for now, he would enjoy having her friendship and not having to hide himself in her presence. Maybe now he could have some intelligent conversation. God only knew he needed it! He watched her as she skipped ahead. He saw Zetsu ahead standing next to a tree and his eye flashed. Zetsu had been watching them, he was sure of it. He hoped Madara wouldn’t order him to get rid of her. He could honestly say he wasn’t sure what he’d do, and he was uneasy with the feeling of being so hesitant on killing someone. His attention returned to the woman who had promised to keep his secret. He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.


	5. Kakuzu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t think of any scenarios for the ones DM-Sama had so I made my own. These ideas are mine.

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Kakuzu

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**1\. Spend money on stupid things.**

It was such a lovely day outside, and the festival was in town. Nenia had begged Pein to let them go to it. She had groveled on her hands and knees and promised to get him a prize from one of the games. He’d finally relented when he’d seen she wouldn’t give up any time soon, and had wanted her to get out of his office. So he’d told her to gather the members in the meeting room where he was waiting, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could just smell disaster with this plan of hers. 

Nenia burst into the room, dragging an exasperated Itachi behind her. Tobi skipped in after her, all cheery and happy as he excitedly squealed about the festival. Apparently Nenia had told him. Pein refrained from sighing out loud. The other members trekked into the room and Nenia sat on his desk, positively vibrating with her excitement. He cleared his throat once everyone was in their positions to get their attention. “As you all have probably heard by now,” He glanced at Nenia as she beamed at him, “The festival is in town at the small village nearby. You are all to go there and… listen to Nenia,” He felt like he was going to regret putting her in charge, “And to.. spend the day there.” He finished. He didn’t know what else to say, if he were to be honest. Nenia squealed, making him wince. 

Before he could stop her, Nenia glomped him. He had to use chakra in his feet to keep himself from tipping over from the weight she threw at him. He grunted at her as she thanked him. He watched as she promptly grabbed Itachi and Tobi and dragged them out of the room. He felt the killer aura from Kakuzu all of a sudden, and assumed she’d just gave him an amount that they’d need to bring with them. Once all of the members were out of his office, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. Konan slipped from the shadows and looked at him. “I have a bad feeling.” He stated to her. The blue-haired woman didn’t say anything, but by the narrowing of her eyes, she felt the same.

The Akatsuki all trudged to the small village, Nenia and Tobi skipping ahead of them, arm in arm. They were currently singing some annoying song - Tobi singing horribly and Nenia singing like an angel - and some of the Akatsuki were getting annoyed. They were wearing normal clothing. Some of the members were out on missions, so it was only Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi, Tobi, and Nenia. Zetsu was off spying somewhere. Lucky bastard. Itachi was watching Nenia with a certain thoughtful, intense air about him, while simultaneously glaring at Tobi. Kisame was looking between the three of them, wondering what the hell was going on but also finding amusement in it. It seemed that Itachi was… dare he think it, jealous. 

The trip to the village was a tense one. Kakuzu and Hidan were arguing as they arrived at the gates. Nenia and Tobi had taken off towards a dart game. Kakuzu, after realizing Nenia took off with the pouch of money, angrily voiced himself as he went to go find her. Hidan followed, still ranting on about Jashin. Itachi and Kisame were left standing at the entrance staring after them. With a sigh, Kisame and Itachi followed. The day was spent playing mini-games and winning prizes. 

At the end of the day the group gathered, except Tobi and Nenia were missing. Kakuzu voiced this, feeling dread in the pit of his stomach. They all turned as Nenia and Tobi skipped up to them. “Hey guys! Guess what I spent the last of the money on?!” She grinned, and without waiting for them to guess, held up a small toy. On closer inspection, it was a figurine of a dancing monkey with a stupid grin. It was holding a leaf. Kakuzu felt a vein throb in his forehead. Nenia squeaked as Kakuzu lunged at her. “YOU SPENT MONEY ON THAT STUPID THING?!” He screamed. Nenia hid behind Tobi. “Careful old man! You might have a heart attack!” She yelped out. “I’m already having a heart attack!” He then proceeded to chase her, trying to strangle her, as she screamed about old men trying to steal her monkey. The other present members watched. Itachi decided he didn’t know her at the moment, Kisame was sweat-dropping while laughing his ass off, and Tobi was pretending to be a confused little boy.

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**2\. Cover some of his money in blood and burn some.**

It was only two days after Nenia had caused Kakuzu to have a heart attack, and it was past time for another prank. She’d enlisted the help of Tobi, and even got Itachi to help! Nenia felt special. Currently, she and Tobi were lugging a couple buckets of blood from the various animals she had Tobi catch to Kakuzu’s room. Itachi had told them the miser was on a mission and would be back later tonight. He’d gone to the next village to get supplies while Hidan was stuck in the base doing his ritual to Jashin. Itachi had also told them not to get him involved anymore than that, so I guess he wasn’t really helping with the prank. Anyway! 

Setting the buckets down, Nenia instructed Tobi to grab a metal box and put kindling inside of it then to get some matches. As the masked man ran to do that, Nenia cracked open Kakuzu’s safe. Seeing the piles inside, her eyes literally shined as a grin took over her face. “Oh boy oh boy. This is gonna be great.” She giggled, then proceeded to dip the bills into the buckets of blood. She then set them all over the floor. She’d left a good stack untouched and began to pour the coins into the remaining blood filled buckets. Tobi ran back in with the things she’d requested. Nenia placed the sticks into the metal box, then stuffed the money into the box. She left a few bills out for later. She gave Tobi a stack and told him to hide it under his bed. Tobi stared at her before doing so, disappearing from the room. Looking at the time, Nenia sped up. Kakuzu would be back soon!

She lit the bills and kindling, letting them begin to burn. Smoke rose and she waved it away. She took the remaining bills she’d set aside and burned parts of it, enough where it was unusable, but enough where it could be identified as money. She scattered those around the room before tipping the blood over. She used a paintbrush that she’d stuffed into her pocket to draw the Jashinist ritual circle. Glancing over her work, she nodded in satisfaction, then zoomed to Hidan’s room. She snuck in and hid the brush in plain sight, but partially hidden under the bed, then back out. Hidan didn’t even notice her in his pleasure throes of sweet agony. 

Nenia instantly knew when Kakuzu found the mess. A wave of cold, death aura washed over everyone. Itachi’s gaze snapped to her and Tobi, who were on their stomachs playing Candy Land. Nenia ignored him and glanced at Tobi. Tobi glanced at her. “HIDAN!” They all heard Kakuzu screech. Screams of terror soon followed as Kakuzu proceeded to dismember the Jashinist. Nenia snickered, a hand over his mouth. Tobi snorted and they both went back to their game. Itachi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. One day. One day he’d end up having to keep her from getting killed. Oddly, he didn’t mind that. As long as she was safe. Well fuck him to Isanagi and back.

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**3\. Continuously interrupt him when he’s counting his money.**

Nenia smartly had waited a month for her next prank. Kakuzu and Hidan had gone on nonstop bounties, and Nenia had offered to help him. Of course, she dragged Tobi and Itachi along, each separately, of course. She couldn’t fathom why, but they seemed to glare at each other all the time. She simply shrugged it off as male-PMS or something. She snorted to herself as she witnessed Tobi and Itachi ignoring each other. Again. She sighed, finally sick of it. “What is up with you two?” She snapped at them. Tobi flinched and Itachi simply looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She glared at him. “Seriously. It’s like you two are on your male-PMS or something. Why do you hate each other?” She frowned at them. “I don’t want my two best friends to hate each other.” She said, deflating a bit. Tobi jumped up and flailed. “No no! Don’t be sad Neni-chan!” He squealed, pretending to freak at her sad expression. Itachi simply grunted at her. “It’s because of you.” He said. Nenia paused and looked at him, brows furrowing. “What do you mean?” She asked, on the defensive. Tobi calmed down. 

After a moment, his attitude did a total 180. “He means, while you’re being oblivious, we’re fighting over you.” Obito felt uneasy saying this. Nenia blinked, confusion twisting her features. “Fighting over me? Guys, I’m not going to choose one friend over the other.” She frowned, feeling offended they’d think she’d do that. Itachi sighed and shook his head. “No, idiot.” He poked her in the forehead with his middle finger and pointer finger. “Think about it. Why do boys fight over a girl?” He then got up, taking his book with him, and left the room. Tobi stared after him as Nenia stared at the spot he had been sitting in. She snapped out of her daze. “Hey! I’m not an idiot!” She pouted. Obitio felt like facepalming himself. She just didn’t get it! “For a genius you’re pretty stupid.” He got up and left as well, going to go bug Zetsu, leaving her there alone. Nenia waited until he left before a smile twitched at her lips and she chuckled. “That’s what I want you to think.” She said to the empty room. She then got up and went to go prank Kakuzu.

Arriving at the door, she peeked in to see the miser counting the bounties he and Hidan had collected. Smirking, she slipped into the room and popped up next to him. When she saw him startle a tiny bit, she grinned. “Tsk tsk, Kakuzu. A good ninja always senses their surroundings.” She scolded playfully. He grunted, then paused. He growled at her. “You made me lose count.” He stated, then began to start over again. Nenia smirked and sat on his bed, looking around the room. It was plain, nothing special. After what felt like an hour - but was really only twenty minutes - Nenia decided to interrupt again. Her gaze zeroed in on a spider crawling along the wall and she screeched. The noise surprised Kakuzu, making him lose track of his counting, and his gaze swung to her as she clung to the bed, staring fearfully at the spider. Kakuzu felt like choking her. “Damnit woman! You made me lose count again!” He snarled angrily. Nenia blinked. “Sorry. Couldn’t keep my terrified screams in at the sight of such a hideous monster.” She blinked owlishly at him. “A spider is not that terrifying.” He scoffed. She tilted her head. “Spider? I was talking about you.” A smile tugged at her lips. Kakuzu glared at her and turned his back to her, deciding to ignore her and starting over on his counting, again. 

Nenia went quiet for about five minutes before she got up. She made to leave, but as she passed his desk, she swiped a stack of bills. Kakuzu’s reaction was scary. He lurched after her as she hightailed it down the hallway, screaming all the way as he chased her, threads shooting towards her. She propelled herself so fast around the corner that she ended up running on the wall for a bit before dropping back to the floor. Kakuzu was hot on her heels. “ITAAAACHIIIII!” She screamed shrilly. “KAKUZU’S TRYING TO RAPE ME!” The immediate atmosphere turned cold, which made Nenia both shiver and smirk. She burst into the living room and took a second to assess everything. Deidara and Sasori were back, both lounging on the couch. Kisame was with them, surfing the channels on the t.v. Tobi was coloring in a coloring book on the floor. Itachi was sitting in recliner reading a book of poetry while Hidan was asleep and lightly snoring on the other couch. Pein and Konan were talking quietly on the loveseat. 

Nenia hightailed it to Itachi and hid behind him with a meek, “Hide me!” A second later Kakuzu entered, his killer intent suffocating. “Where is she?” He growled in a threatening tone. Deidara shuddered as Kisame paused in his surfing. Everyone looked at Kakuzu. Itachi raised an eyebrow. Tobi jumped up and scooted closer to where Nenia hid behind Itachi, out of sight. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Itachi spoke calmly. Tobi giggled as he spoke, “Neni-chan isn’t here Kakuzu-san! She, uh, went outside!” He nodded quickly. Kakuzu gave him a flat look. “I saw her come in here.” He said in a flat tone. He stepped forward. “Now, where is she?” He demanded, staring at Tobi and Itachi. He was sure they were hiding her. One hundred percent sure, as a matter of fact. “I will kill your Tobi.” He added, knowing Nenia wouldn’t let that happen. Nenia let out a squeak and immediately revealed herself on purpose, tackling Tobi and hugging him, pushing his masked face into her breasts. “Noo!” She cried. “You will not hurt my cuddly teddy bear, you monster!” She pointed at him, glaring with a pout to her lips. Kakuzu grinned and took a step towards her. She squeaked and dropped Tobi, then shushuned out of the room and to someplace far away. Kakuzu disappeared a moment later to go find her. Tobi twitched, sprawled on the floor. 

Silence followed. Itachi glared at Tobi. Before anyone could notice the uncharacteristic emotion from the stoic Uchiha, Hidan let out a loud whistle. “Damn! The retard got some action! Why can’t I?” He whined. Both Tobi and Itachi turned their attention to the Jashinist to glare at him. Hidan could feel the killer intent, but was too oblivious to realize he was in danger of being mutilated in painful ways. Kisame guffawed and Deidara’s eye twitched. “Baka, un! Why do you get the action?!” He then proceeded to chase Tobi down the hallways, throwing bombs after him as Tobi ran away squealing his apologies. Internally, Obito was smug. He’d gotten someone that bastard Itachi didn’t! Ha! In his face!

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**4\. In case of emergency, have a large stash of bounty money on hand to appease him. Or you could just, you know, run like hell!**

Nenia had tried to give him a stash of cash, but Kakuzu wasn’t having it. He was too angry. Nenia screeched as she raced down the hallway, Kakuzu hot on her heels, threads flailing about him angrily. “SAVE ME MY CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR!” She screamed, her voice travelling through the entire base. A moment later, Tobi appeared and picked her up, screaming, “TOBI WILL SAVE NENI-CHAN! TOBI’S A GOOD BOY!” They both proceeded to race out of the base and away from it. Kakuzu gave up the chase outside of the base. He glared after them before stomping back inside. A moment later, cursing from a certain Jashinist echoed. “WHAT THE FUCK KAKUZU?! OW! WHAT’D I DO- OW! YOU OLD BASTARD STOP HITTING ME!” 

Meanwhile, Tobi and Nenia were once again staying in Konoha, under guise of course. Nenia giggled nervously as she sat on the bed. Unfortunately, they could only get one bedroom, but it didn’t bother her. It just meant she could cuddle with her teddy bear some more! Tobi sat next to her, staring at her. “What did you do?” He asked, exasperation in his voice. Nenia snorted. “Uh.. just messed with his money..” She trailed off, poking her two pointer fingers together - like Hinata! He stared at her a moment more before sighing. “Idiot.” He muttered, a bit of fondness lacing his tone. Nenia chose to ignore it though and grinned at him, beaming a thousand watt smile. “I know!” She giggled and launched herself at him, cuddling close to him. They ended up sprawled on the bed in an awkward position. No, you perverts, they weren’t like that. Tobi was sprawled on his back on the bed while Nenia was hugging him. His knee was digging into her stomach, but she was ignoring the uncomfortable appendage in favor of rubbing her cheek against his mask. She did this until Tobi had to force her off. 

They both sat there in silence for a few moments before Nenia went to shower and ready for bed. Tobi hesitated before unhooking his mask. He turned the light off before placing his mask on the bedside table and curling under the blankets. He lay in silence and reflected on his thoughts. He startled out of them when he felt his female companion crawl into bed too. He couldn’t help but tense when he felt her snuggle against his back and wrap her arms around him. It took a bit before he finally relaxed. He drifted off to sleep. Sometime early in the morning, when it was still dark, he woke up briefly to find himself curled with Nenia, facing her, his own arms wrapped protectively around her smaller form. He gazed at her sleeping face in the dark with his sharingan before closing his eye and going back to sleep, a small, ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.


	6. Kisame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Numbers 3 and 4 are my ideas!

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Kisame

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**1\. When on a mission with him in the middle of a village, scream, “So how’s the sex coming with Itachi?!” If he doesn’t answer, ask him again and again.**

It was a simple mission. She and Kisame were to get supplies from the nearby village. Nenia had dragged Itachi along to keep him from brooding in his dark room. He agreed to accompany her when she said she’d just go ask Tobi. Nenia had secretly smiled. It was fun to play with both Uchiha boys! She hoped she just wasn’t digging her own grave. She glanced at the long-haired Uchiha walking next to her, then glanced at the tall, blue-skinned male on her other side. She tilted her head to the side before letting out a loud sigh. “I’m bored.” She said blandly. Kisame glanced at her and shrugged, “Not much to do about that kiddo.” He told her. Itachi stayed silent.

Nenia frowned and put a finger to her bottom lip, trying to think. It was silent for a while, and by the time Nenia thought of something and decided on what to do about it, they were walking through the village. She sighed and looked at the stoic Uchiha next to her. Many females, and males, were looking at him. “Seems everywhere you go you catch attention.” She muttered under her breath. The small twitch of his lips signalled he’d heard her. “Jealous?” He teased, then rolled his eyes. “Oh no, of course not Itachi.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “Who would be jealous of your beautiful pale skin, soft like a baby’s? Or your long, silky locks? Or your muscular but lean form?” She snorted. “You just need blobs of fat on your chest and you can pass as a woman.” She grinned and skipped to the other side of Kisame as Itachi’s eye twitched. Oh yes, she was intentionally antagonizing him. Seeing him become stoic once again, she turned to Kisame. “Yo.” She greeted as she stared up at the tall shark-man. Kisame grinned down at her, mouth full of sharp teeth. “Hello, kid.” She blinked and pouted. “I’m not a kid. I’m older than you.” She whined. Kisame snorted. “Sure.” He simply said. She rolled her eyes and then walked by his side for a few minutes. 

After leaving another stall, she looked at him, trying hard not to smile. She cleared her throat and put on a serious face. “So Kisame, can I ask you something?” She asked. Itachi glanced at her, his nape prickling. Kisame looked at her in curiosity. “Sure kid.” Nenia chose to ignore the kid part of that and went on. She cleared her throat again, pretending to think on how to ask, before saying, “So how’s the sex with Itachi?” She was able to stay serious for about ten seconds. The incredulous look on his face almost made her snort. It was the look on Itachi’s face that made her lose it. His eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly parted in an ‘o’ of surprise. Kisame guffawed as Itachi subtly tried not to choke on air. She laughed hard, holding her stomach as it ached. “Oh my God!” Once she got herself under control, she wiped the tears from her eyes and grinned. “So…. how is it?” Kisame stared at her before looking at Itachi as Itachi glared at her. She grinned. “Come on you slow pokes, let’s go home.” She skipped ahead, ignoring the deadly look from the Uchiha and the incredulous one from the shark.

Back at the base, Nenia strode into the kitchen with an air of smugness as well as a satisfied smile on her face. Most of the members not on missions were in the kitchen at the table, and all looked up at her entrance. Tobi was coloring with crayons in a coloring book, Deidara was molding clay, Sasori was reading a newspaper, Konan was playing with paper and making birds, Kakuzu and Pein were sipping tea/coffee, and Hidan and Zetsu were no where to be seen. Pein rose an eyebrow in silent command, but Nenia simply smiled. She put the groceries she’d been carrying away and grinned at her two fuming companions when they entered. “What the hell happened with you two?” Deidara blurted out. The others paused in their activities to listen. Itachi subtly twitched with irritation as Kisame growled low. “She happened.” Kisame simply stated, pointing a thumb at the black haired woman, as said woman fluttered her eyelashes. “What? Me? Nooooo.” She snorted softly then shrugged. She then walked out, only to pause in the hallway. “I think Itachi would be the bitch.” Then she disappeared in a spark of fire. Kisame guffawed, and the members who were not stoic and understood the reference, snorted in amusement or laughed. Pein looked vaguely disturbed and amused at the same time while Kakuzu looked indifferent. Konan hadn’t been paying much attention to anything but her paper birds. Tobi was looking around, acting like the idiot he was and asking “What did the pretty lady mean?” and “Itachi-san’s not a woman!”

****

**2\. Say you’re going to cook a surprise dinner. When Kisame asks you what it is wait until he already swallowed a spoonful before saying, “Sharkfin soup!” Stand back as he tries to cough it back up.**

Nenia stood at the stove stirring a pot with a wooden spoon. The smell that came from it was delicious to those that it hit. It wasn’t long before a few of the males she lived with peeked into the kitchen to watch her, and maybe get a peek at what was being made for dinner.All but a large, blue, shark-like man left. “Whatcha making?” He asked. Nenia glanced at him and smirked. “It’s a surprise.” She then sprinkled a little bit of salt into the boiling water and continued to stir. “Want to taste test?” She asked, a sparkle in her eyes. Kisame eyed her for a minute before relenting. “Fine.” Nenia grinned and spooned some into a bowl, making sure to have a few of the meat chunks in there. She then set it and a spoon in front of Kisame and went back to stirring the soup. 

She waited until Kisame was halfway done with the bowl before asking, “How is it?” Kisame grinned, all sharp teeth. “Great! What is it?” He rose his spoon to his mouth. Nenia smiled. “Sharkfin soup!” She said cheerfully. Kisame blinked, pausing in the middle of chewing. “It’s good. I’m surprised. How did you get sharkfins anyway?” He asked as he swallowed, finishing his taste test. Nenia pouted mentally and shrugged outwardly. “Market?” Kisame chuckled and washed his bowl before putting it in the drying rack to dry. “That was good. Thanks kid.” He ruffled her hair with his big, blue hand then left. Nenia pouted. “Well, that didn’t go as planned.” She huffed. She then put more salt into the soup and continued to stir. “Well, maybe the others will choke on it.” She grinned. 

****

**3\. Insult Samehada by calling it a giant tampon.**

After the last prank ended up being a bust, Nenia decided to try another one the next day. The opportunity came when all the members were gathered in the meeting room. The meeting hadn’t started yet, as Pein and Konan had yet to arrive. Nenia figured they were still finishing up business where ever they were at. Kisame and Itachi has gone on a mission earlier that morning to Taki, so their forms were holographic. She fidgeted in her spot on the ground, pondering on how to start out her newest prank and who to use as her victim. She looked around the room, eyeing each member, before her eyes came to rest on Kisame. The blue-skinned man was busy having a conversation to Itachi, so she was free to begin her plans. She grinned evilly before wiping her face clean of expression. She ignored the narrowed eyes of Sasori as she made her way to her favorite weasel. Popping up between them, she grinned. “So how’s the weather in Taki?” She could tell Kisame was startled, but Itachi made no outward emotion. The bastard probably knew she was coming. She glanced at him, noticing how his eyes narrowed minisculey at her. She grinned cheekily at him. She could tell he was suspicious of her. 

Nenia smirked and turned her attention to Kisame. “How can you carry such a heavy sword around all the time?” Kisame blinked down at her and smirked. “You can’t tell? I’m strong.” She snorted and tilted her head, an innocent smile on her face. “Why is it all bandaged up though? Why not let the scales hang out for intimidation?” Kisame frowned. “I’d rather not get cut.” He said, starting to feel uneasy. What was she up to? Knowing her, it wasn’t good, and knowing how her attention was on him, it was worse for him. Nenia smiled. “What’s Taki like? Can I go with you guys next time? I’m so bored here in the base.” She whined. “I barely get out.” Her bottom lip jutted out into a pout. A moment of silence followed as they stared at each other. Murmurs from the other members were heard in the cavern, as well as the occasional angry shout from the Zombie Duo. 

“Why does Samehada look like a giant tampon?” Everything seemed to freeze in place. Kisame tensed as the other members quieted. Deidara was staring open mouthed while Sasori turned away in annoyance. Hidan was busy laughing, while Kakuzu looking annoyed at his partner. Kisame glared down at her. “Samehada is not a tampon.” He snarled. Nenia merely smiled, not afraid. “Do you even know what a tampon is, fish-face?” She asked, almost cooing. Itachi let out an inaudible sigh. She was going to get herself killed. He flicked her forehead. “Go do something else.” He told her softly. Nenia turned to him and smirked. “Oh, Weasel-kun, are you perhaps worried about me?” She batted her eyelashes. “How romantic.” She grinned cheekily and turned back to Kisame as Itachi simply raised his eyebrows at her in amusement. “It seems our great leaders are here. I shall take my leave.” She jumped down and skipped out the door, calling behind her, “Samehada is a giant tampon!” Kisame growled.

****

**4\. In case of emergency, run to Suna. There’s no water, so he can’t follow you there.**

Nenia scoffed as she walked down the hallway. There was no way she was going to run away. Kisame was on a mission again, anyway, so it wasn’t like she needed to hide. Besides, she wanted to annoy Itachi some more. Walking into Itachi’s room without knocking, she plopped on the bed next to him and immediately started to play with his pony tail. His hair was so silky, she couldn’t help it. He let her play with his hair as he read over some scrolls of poetry. He didn’t have a mission and he’d already done his daily weapons cleaning. They sat there quietly, both of them content with each other’s company and the silence surrounding them. They sat there for a long time before Nenia began to yawn. She shifted and leaned in, kissing Itachi’s cheek, before she curled up on his bed and dozed off. Itachi watched her for a few moments, his features softening, before he continued to silently read the scrolls while his friend slept beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha… I’ve been thinking on the ways to piss Tobi off… and it’s just… I’m laughing so hard… imagining it… Did you see what I did at the end there? :3


	7. Tobi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Number 4 was my idea.

****

Tobi

****

****

**1\. Hold a basketball next to his face. When he asks what you’re doing say, “I’ve found your long lost brother!”**

It was a peaceful day in the Akatsuki base. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the loud mouthed members of the organization were gone and wouldn’t be back until later in the week. Nenia was bored though. And bad things happened when she was bored. With a groan, she rolled out of her bed and padded on bare feet to the mirror in the bathroom. Her hair was wild from bed head as she stared at herself. Instead of doing her hair and putting it up, she merely combed it and left it down. She had nothing to do today that required it to be up anyway, so why bother? She slipped a simple shirt on (don’t tell him but it was Itachi’s) and some shorts as well as her sandals. She left her room and walked down the hall slowly, rubbing her eyes. She felt coffee was a necessity today, so with a goal in mind, she walked faster towards the kitchen. On the way there she passed the gym area, and only by chance caught the sight of something orange in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, she stared at the orange ball before her eyes lit up and a grin slowly stretched across her mouth. She knew what she was going to do today! She quickly snatched the ball and skipped towards the kitchen, where she could hear Tobi whining about not being able to find his senpai. 

She peeked around the corner of the kitchen door, spotting Itachi sitting at the table and drinking tea and eating dango. That boy and his dango. Her lips twitched before her eyes locked onto her target. She hid the ball behind her back and calmly walked over to Tobi, who had his mask smashed into the table, and poked his shoulder. When he looked at her, she revealed the basketball and grinned. “Look Tobi! I’ve found your long lost brother!” Tobi stared at her, and she could see an amused gleam through his eye hole. Tobi’s voice came out, sounding confused, “Ehh? Tobi’s brother is a ball?!” Nenia snickered and pressed the ball into his mask. “Yep! It’s orange with black lines just like you!” She said cheerfully. Itachi watched her with a raised eyebrow while Tobi squealed and flailed his arms before pushing the ball away. “Tobi doesn’t have a brother Neni-chan! Tobi’s an only child!” He squeaked. Nenia pouted. “Why aren’t you fun anymore?!” She whined, and tossed the ball out the kitchen door.

She heard a crash and winced. “WHO THREW THAT?!” She heard the voice of Kisame roar. When his angry face appeared in the doorway, she pointed at Tobi. “I told him it was his brother but he didn’t want a brother!” Tobi squeaked in fake-fear before hiding under the table. “Tobi didn’t do anything Kisame-san! Tobi’s a good boy!” Kisame growled before leaving, muttering about idiots and crazy chicks as he went. Nenia looked at Itachi, who was still staring at her with a brow raised, and gave him a thumbs up. “Now that that’s over. Coffee time!” She sang, then skipped to the coffee machine to make herself some. “I highly doubt that is going to help you.” Itachi monotoned. Nenia gasped and placed a hand to her heart. “Itachi my love! How could you?!” Tobi giggled under the table. “Don’t say mean things to your love Itachi-san! How could you?!” Tobi squealed out as he popped out from under the table. Itachi sighed, feeling a headache coming on.

****

**2\. During the week drop hints when all the members are together by saying “Maaaaa……….Daaaaa……...Raaa.” and “Ooooo…...biiii...tooooo.” When someone asks you what you’re doing, say you’re preparing to try out for a singing competition.**

It was later that week that the artist duo and the zombie duo returned to the base. She figured she’d have just enough time to do her next prank before another duo left, so she quickly put it into action. She peeked into the living room and spotted Tobi talking to Deidara. Smirking, she backed up before she walked at a moderate pace past the doorway, using a sing-song voice, “Maa... Daa... Raa...” She could feel Tobi’s gaze snap to her as she disappeared behind the wall and continued to walk. She could hear Hidan’s exclamation of “What the hell was the bitch doing?!”, as she walked away. She smirked to herself as she went to go find Pein. Itachi was busy at the moment, so she had decided to annoy the orange-haired nin. She could feel Konan’s chakra in Pein’s office, and wherever she was, he was.

Kicking the door down, she waltzed into the office and smirked at the two leaders. Sitting on top of Pein’s desk, she snatched one of the papers he was writing on and pretended to read it. She could feel two sets of eyes on her and looked at Pein. “What?” She asked, raising a delicate eyebrow. Pein snatched the paper back, an annoyed expression on his face. He knew exactly what she was up to. “Go bug someone else.” He grunted. She gasped, putting a hand to her heart. “But Pein! I thought you loved me!” She sniffed. “You wish I did.” He mused. She gasped again and poked his cheek. “Did you just make a joke?” She giggled, then slid off his desk and ran out while screaming, “GUYS PEIN MADE A JOKE!” His eye twitched and he felt the sudden urge to smash his face into the wooden desk. He glanced at Konan to find her silently laughing at him. “Not funny.” He growled.

It was an hour later when Nenia did her prank again. Tobi was coloring on the floor in his coloring book while a few of the members did their own things on the couches set around the living area. She walked in and sat on Tobi’s butt, making him squeak. “Maaaaadaaa.” She whined. “I’m boooored.” She felt Tobi tense and switched to laying on top of him, nuzzling the back of his head as she whispered. “Maaa...daaa...raaa.” She jumped off before he could twitch and sat in Itachi’s lap, trapping his arms between her body and his lap. He gave her a look, which she only smiled at, and tapped his nose. “You’re adorable. Have I told you this?” Being so close to him, she could see a muscle in his jaw twitch. “No.” He replied. She gasped. “Oh no! This cannot do! You’re adorable Itachi-kun!” She squealed. She grinned at the annoyance shining his his eyes. Tobi jumped up and sat on Nenia, making her screech loudly in Itachi’s ear. Itachi winced at the horrible sound, grunting from the weight of two people on top of him. “But Nenia-chan, Tobi thought Tobi was adorable!” The masked man whined at her. Nenia immediately snuggled on him, cooing at how cute and adorable he was. Both men's eyes locked and narrowed, Nenia too busy rubbing her cheek against Tobi’s temple to notice. They silently communicated the challenge to each other, as well as a warning from Itachi. 

Itachi pushed them both off and fixed his book, going back to reading. Nenia landed, sprawling on top of Tobi with an ‘oof’ when she hit the floor. “So mean!” She cried, kicking Itachi’s foot without any real intent to harm. He didn’t even bat an eyelash at her. She pouted and sighed loudly. “Ma-da-ra!” She jumped up, Tobi glaring at her from the floor. If she so much as said one more- “Let’s go annoy Pein!” She grabbed his sleeve and yanked him up, surprising him at her strength, before dragging him with her. “PEIN!” She bellowed. The other members in the living area stared at the doorway where she disappeared behind before glancing at Itachi. Itachi ignored them as he continued to read. Let her go bother Pein. He knew the man wouldn’t hurt her. Despite his disposition, the orange-haired man had a small soft spot for the woman, just as he did. It seemed Nenia wormed her way into everyone’s hearts.

Tobi seriously needed to have a talk with her. He really really did. But, later. He wanted to see what she’d do to annoy Pein.. 

****

**3\. Ask him if he’s jealous of SasoDei. If he says no scream, “LIAR!” If he says yes, take him to a therapist.**

It was Itachi’s turn to cook dinner, and Nenia sat at the table and watched him do so. Itachi was a good cook. Better than her, actually. Nenia didn’t like to cook, but all members had their turn in the kitchen. She hummed softly as Itachi busied himself, moving about the kitchen silently. As the delicious smells of dinner began to waft through the base, members filed into the kitchen and sat down. Everyone was hungry. It’d been a long time since anyone had a decent meal, since missions had started to come in more frequently. 

Tobi sad next to her and kicked his feet back and forth, glancing at her every few minutes. Nenia was oblivious to his glances, but the rest of the Akatsuki weren’t. Even Itachi noticed. No one said anything though. It took twenty more minutes before dinner was ready. Everyone filed into an orderly line - after Nenia threatened them that if they didn’t they would sleep in the dog house - and got their food. Nenia was last in line, but she didn’t mind. She’d also threatened that if anyone took more than they were supposed to, she’d cut out their tongues. She was scary like that. The fact they listened to her and believed her words was a different story. 

It was quiet at the table, for once - except for the clink of silverware on plates and sipping of drinks. Nenia turned to Tobi and poked him in the mask. Turning to her, he stared at her, raising an eyebrow at her behind his mask, which was unseen. He tilted his head to the side to show he was listening. “Tobi, do you like SasoDei?” She whispered to him. He blinked and his brow furrowed. “Tobi doesn’t understand the question, Neni-chan.” He said. She frowned and tried again, tapping her chin with a finger. All eyes were on them and a certain pair of eyes was narrowed at Tobi. “SasoDei. The pairing. You know?” It took him a moment for it to click. “Oh! No, Tobi doesn’t want to know that senpai and Sasori-kun are having sex!” He cried dramatically. Nenia snorted as Deidara choked on his water and Sasori growled. “LIAR!” She screamed at him. “I know you’re jelly!” She said. Tobi whimpered. “Tobi isn’t a jam, Nenia-chan.” He whispered. Nenia snorted and began to laugh, pounding a fist on the table as she cried from laughing so hard. 

“Shut up you bitch.” Deidara snapped. Itachi and Tobi glared at him, and Nenia smirked. “Aww, no need to deny it Deidara-chaaan.” She said, grinning widely at him. He glared at her and growled, twitching and wanting to throw a clay bomb at her. Pein sighed and it quieted down again. Dinner finished without any more trouble - except for Nenia’s snickering - and Nenia dragged Itachi to his room afterwards, leaving the dishes to the others. 

****

**4\. Whenever he’s not expecting it, lick his face and claim he tastes like evil bastard and that it’s not as popular a flavor as you thought.**

A few nights later, Nenia decided to cuddle with Tobi. She’d had a nightmare and didn’t want to sleep alone. Tobi, being the friend he was, let her sleep in his bed with him. He didn’t know what the nightmare was about, as she refused to speak about it, but when she’d come to him he could see the fear in her eyes. He didn’t push her, even if he was really curious about it. 

Stretching out, Nenia yawned and flopped onto Tobi’s bed in her night shorts and shirt. The shirt was a baggy thing, coming to mid-thigh, and her shorts were short and black, hidden underneath the shirt. The shirt, in fact, belonged to Itachi. Itachi didn’t know though - she’d stolen it from him. (Itachi actually did know, he just let her keep it). 

Nenia passed out before Tobi did. She was exhausted. She’d gotten back from a mission at six in the morning and hadn’t been able to get to sleep until now, at night. It was a long day too. It seemed the majority of the Akatsuki were in the base, and Deidara was annoying the shit out of her all day. She’d finally scared him off when she punched him in the face and threatened to make sure he couldn’t be with a woman for the rest of his life.

Tobi watched her sleep, feeling his eyelids get heavy. Scooting closer to her, he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of Rin and Nenia being the same person and not at the same time.

In the morning, Tobi jolted away when he heard a door close. Looking up, he saw that the bathroom connected to his room was closed and he could hear the shower on. Yawning, he rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his messy hair. Half an hour later, Nenia came out of the bathroom with a towel around her. His eyes widened a fraction as he looked at her and cleared his throat. Turning, she smiled at him. “Morning ‘Obi. Sleep well?” She then proceeded to drop her towel with her back to him, and slipped on her pajamas. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth. A croak came out, and he cleared his throat again before forcing out a “Yes” to answer her. If she noticed his behavior, she didn’t say anything, which he was glad for. He stood up and began to walk to the bathroom, but she stepped in front of him. Looking down at her, he wasn’t expecting the hug she gave him and the whispered “thank you” to his ear. Just as quickly as she hugged him, she let him go and disappeared into the hallway. 

He stared at the door before going to take his own shower, a small blush on his face. He needed to take care of a little - ahem- problem as well.

After his morning routine was done, he slipped into his usual outfit and put his mask on. He walked to the kitchen to see Nenia cooking breakfast. His eyes narrowed when he saw that Itachi was helping her, standing too close to her than he liked. He snuck up behind her and hugged her, making her squeak in surprise and slice the Uchiha’s hand with the knife she was using on accident. He smirked at that, proud that he got the kid hurt. Nenia gasped and elbowed him in the stomach, to which he grunted and let her go, and snatched Itachi’s hand and put it under water. She instructed him to keep it under there, using her stern ‘no buts’ tone. Itachi didn’t argue with her and she went and grabbed the first aid kit above the fridge. 

Tobi sat at the table, smugness exuding from him as he watched. Itachi ignored him, focusing on the woman who was putting supplies on the counter. She took a square of fabric and wet it with rubbing alcohol before taking his hand and cleaning it. Itachi didn’t make any expression when it stung. She did it again before pressing a clean square against his wound. She then began to bandage it, making the bandage snug but not constricting. Taping it down, she put the supplies away before rubbing the Uchiha’s hand to her cheek. “There. Don’t take this off for a while. Come to me in the morning and I’ll take a look at it to see if I need to get antibiotics from town or not. Keep it clean.” She instructed, kissing his hand. Itachi raised an eyebrow at her actions. If he wasn’t an emotionless wall of stone, he would’ve been blushing like a schoolboy by now. 

Nenia put the first aid kid away before she whirled on Tobi. Tobi yelped and ran out of the kitchen as she came towards him with her hands raised in a ‘I’m going to fucking choke you’ pose. Nenia screamed after him, but he didn’t hear her words. She sighed and went back to fixing breakfast, pointing Itachi to the table. She rinsed the knife with soap and water before going back to cutting vegetables and tossing them into the frying pan.

When breakfast was done, she served him food before sitting down with her own plate. Itachi smiled at her, thanking her quietly, before silence ensued as they ate quietly. She was still tired, but she didn’t have nightmares - which she was grateful for. Yawning to herself, she finished quickly before cleaning up and washing her dishes. When Itachi finished, she did the same for him. Parting ways, she went to hunt down Tobi. On her way, she thought of ways to get him back. She knew he’d done it on purpose too. The bastard.

Locking onto his chakra, she followed it until she found him in the woods surrounding the base. She sighed as she sat beside him silently. Neither of them moved or spoke, but Tobi was aware of her. “Tobi.” When she said his name, he tensed. It took him a moment before he turned to look at her. She wrapped her arms around him and then licked him. Stunned, he stared at her when she pulled back, watching her disgusted expression. “Ew.” She muttered. “You taste like evil bastard.” She stated flatly. Tobi made a sound in the back of his throat. He wasn’t sure what sound it was though. “It’s not as popular a flavor as I thought.” She told him, smirking. Blinking away his shock, he sighed. “Haha you’re hilarious.” He muttered, using his own voice.

Giggling, Nenia stood up and patted his head. “I’m going to nap. See ya later ‘Obi.” She walked away, deciding to steal Itachi’s bed for her nap. Barging into his room, she saw that he wasn’t in at the moment, but she knew he’d be back soon. He had no missions today - she’d checked with Pein earlier -.

Slipping into Itachi’s bed, she curled up and closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. She fell asleep easily, the familiar scent of Itachi filling her nose and calming her enough. She began to dream of a life in Konoha, down a different path than this. 

Itachi walked into his room, having just showered, and stopped when he saw the girl in his bed. Blinking, he closed his door and dropped his dirty clothes into his laundry basket. He made a mental note to do laundry later. He walked to the bed and sat on the edge, careful not to wake her up, and looked at her peaceful face. He used his finger to move some of her silky black hair out of her face, a small upturn of his lips making his features soften. He stood up and grabbed a few scrolls to read then slid into the bed to lean against the bed frame beside the sleeping Kunoichi. Glancing at her, he began to read, enjoying the sounds of breathing beside him. 

For the first time in a very long time, he felt at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. I’ve come to a road block. I only have two scenarios for Zetsu, but I don’t want to short you guys out. So, this is where you come in! I want Zetsu to be the next chapter, so until I get two or three more scenarios nothing will be posted.
> 
> Anyway, send in scenario ideas in your reviews! Thanks! Please leave a review!


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